today is palm sunday. until about 4 years ago i had no idea what palm sunday even was. i didn’t grow up in a denomination that talks about it really. we didn’t even really talk about it this morning at church.
so i guess i know that it was God who laid this on my heart…
this is a strange season in my life. i’m happy, things are great…yet there is still crazy unrest in my heart. i can’t figure out why or what God is trying to tell me, and one day i decided to quit trying to figure that out and just sit and try to know Him better. it worked for mary right? when martha was all frantic about hosting Jesus, He told her that mary had chosen what is best. (see luke 10:38-41). it’s strange because i’m wrestling with the lies i’ve believed about myself in the past and trying to let them be overcome by the truth of who i am in Christ. we’ve just started the book learning my name by pete gall in our small group. last week he came to our small group and just chilled with us for a night. it was great…he asked us some questions that will be GREAT in ministry, but that hit me where i am too. i didn’t even recognize it until church this morning. (i’ll come back here) one of the questions pete asked us is what do you feel like your name is (like to God)? because of the past, because of situations, because of lies, the name i’ve heard is forgotten. it is super rotten to feel like God has forgotten about you…your hopes, dreams, desires, and His promises… david felt like it too, he wrote about it quite often in psalms. what pete was saying was that we need to quit hearing the negative name we’ve allowed ourselves to hear.
we need to learn to hear what God is REALLY calling us.
that’s a question i need to put before God to find the answer to, but i know that will come because He is good to answer questions put before Him by a captive audience. i have been praying the forgotten prayer that david so often prayed too.
how long o God will you forget me?
today was a great sunday service. super message…about being disillusioned…wonderful worship time, but i was captivated by the image of the cross. during the service the message was first today and we had an extended worship time because it was a communion service. during our communion time we don’t pass a tray around, or stand up in a line with our rows, but we wait until we feel moved to go take communion. there are various stations around the room…and i love that we do it this way. today though, i didn’t want to just go take communion. i prayed and told God i wasn’t going to take it until i felt like it was right. during worship i don’t know what it was but i had a picture of being there on the day Jesus was crucified on the cross. during the song sweetly broken i was struck by the chorus that says
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees
i wanted so badly to be drawn gently to my knees. i wanted so badly to understand, to be in awe of the message of the Cross. i have a picture in my head of what it looked like that day. today i saw myself in that picture.
i don’t know if the people surrounding the Cross that day really understood the magnitude of what was happening or not. somehow i really don’t think they did. as i pictured myself there this morning, i knew that i did understand what was happening. as we continued we sang hosanna and saviour king. during the two songs i felt myself being drawn to my knees (see…ask and it will be given) . at some point i felt like as i was sitting there bowed before the Cross His eyes met mine. it was like that moment y’know when you catch someone you love looking at you and your eyes meet theirs for just a second and your heart is warmed…x 1000. i felt like i was on my knees in front of the Cross looking up at Him in wonder and amazement of what was going on, and He turned and fixed His eyes on mine. in my heart He declared You are NOT forgotten! He was all over talking to me today. answering prayer and doing so immediately. for the first time in a long time i felt like i understood why we take communion. i knew that i would have been part of that crowd of people cheering as Jesus rode into jerusalem on the donkey that palm sunday…but i also found myself today being part of the much smaller group who followed Him along the road to golgatha that friday. who sat at His feet knowing that He is God’s Son as He proclaimed…but also being able to understand the magnitude of the breaking of the Veil.
it was all brought together as i walked back to my seat after taking communion and the band starting playing the wonderful Cross.
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride
See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
how wonderful that day was. to think of the Love poured out on me…and you…personally. by His grace i was gathered to the foot of the Cross and given a taste of what truly living means… thank you Jesus for meeting me today. i’ve not adequately put into words the ministry that You did in my heart today, but i’m thankful that You will receive it anyway.
thank You for starting me on a path to learning my Name.